The Art Of Dining Alone

I am sitting at the scratched up dark oak bar, my cheek resting in hand as I twirl my pasta and hum a tune. All of a sudden I feel a gentle tap on my shoulder from the chipper couple next to me. They inquire about my reason for dining alone and I respond, confused, that I just got off work. With a tearful look on their face, they tell the sweet redheaded bartender to refill my glass of wine, on them. They tell me to cheer up and turn away to continue their meal, as if they are somehow better than me because the barstool next to them is occupied. I, of course, thanked them for my reup of my precious sauvignon blanc and proceeded to day dream.

How naive I must have been, to think that dining alone isn’t a sin or something to be sad about. Instead a time to reflect, celebrate yourself and people watch. I crave the observant nature of it. A well dressed couple celebrating their anniversary, arguing over which dessert to indulge in. A family reunion consisting of belly laughs and spilt red wine.

Tortello <3

In my opinion, spending time alone is the most underrated form of art. An easy way to practice that is by taking yourself out to dinner. Not fast food, not drive through, but a real old fashioned restaurant with a waiter and a ceramic place setting. As I age, I view alone time as a necessary tool for navigating life. When I was single, I situated my days around my solitude. Now in a relationship, I cherish the rarity and never forget to check in on myself. I have experienced such negative stigma on this topic and it baffles me. When I dine alone, I never worry about if there are going to be other people unaccompanied, I am doing it for me.

Getting comfortable with being by yourself is ultimately the first step. You are your best company and you are stuck in this body for the rest of your life, so you might as well enjoy it. Doing it the first time is the hardest part but that reigns true for almost anything in life. Remember to be present and never be embarrassed, but if you are initally uneasy, here is how I do it. 

WHAT TO WEAR: This is your day. Dress up for yourself. If you don’t feel confident, fake it. My dance teacher would always say it’s never embarrassing if you do it full-out. 

WHAT YOU NEED: A pen, paper, and a good attitude. It’s your date and you deserve to enjoy it. Also bring some cash to tip. 

Step one: Strut through the door and ask to sit at the bar. Why bar, you may ask. I find it’s less awkward. Also big bonding time with the bartender which is key and you’ll get quick drinks.

Step two: Drape your coat over the chair and scope out the establishment

Step three: Politely ask for a drink of your choice

Step four: Get acquainted with yourself. What do you like to do? What are your hopes and dreams? Open up your journal and pretend you are in a rom com.

Step five: Motion a cheers as you take your first sip

IMPORTANT NOTE: Cheersing your bartender is a fool-proof way of getting them to like you at the most and acknowledge you at the very least. 

Step seven: Write about your day, unload any burdens and reflect on this alone time

Step eight: Order an appetizer first, don’t put in food yet. Savor this moment because it won’t be long before people are yapping away at you again.

Step nine: Tell the waiter they are doing an outstanding job and chat with them for a second. Who doesn’t love a dose of encouragement. If a bartender is reading this and doesn’t like to be encouraged, my apologies. I hope you never have to deal with me. 

Step ten: Place your napkin over your lap and enjoy your appetizer. If you’re bored, look around and people-watch. That is one of the best things to do alone and it’s FREE. 

Step eleven: As your second drink arrives, decide who in the room would survive an apocalypse and who, if anyone, you would partner with.

Step twelve: You are doing GREAT (see, I love encouraging). Order your entree with confidence

Step thirteen: Listen intently to the bartenders gossip but respect their space (don’t make it obvious you’re being nosey)

Step fourteen: Ask for a box because you filled up on the free bread

Step fifteen: Order dessert even though you didn’t finish your meal, you deserve it.

Step sixteen: Ask for the check, thank them again and tip 20% because you aren’t a monster

Step seventeen: Put on your coat, walk out the door and pat yourself on the back.

You did it! Hopefully these steps helped you secure a second date with yourself. Happy dining <3